Easter
8:43 PM Edit This 5 Comments »
The weather matches my mood. I'm definitely having some postpartum blues over here. Things would be much better if my right boob would cooperate. Getting help with this asap. I think it's still a latch issue, but it feels like a different issue than the one a few days ago. When they say breastfeeding is an art, they're not kidding. And Eric is still contemplating going back to work tomorrow. Gulp. I guess that delaying the inevitable doesn't make things any easier ... though, in this case, I'd feel much better about it if breastfeeding were going more smoothly.
An old friend commented in my previous post about how it's nice to read about how someone elses experiences with their newborn were not perfect and that those first few months were anxiety-ridden. So many of us are having babies, and yet most often we only read/hear about how wonderful things are going. Well, for me, things are far from perfect. Today, I cried in pain from breastfeeding. I leaked all over my shirt and then it got on my skirt. I asked Duncan for hugs and he rejected me for the majority of the day. I cried when Eric said he may go back to work tomorrow. I cried in church thinking about how this time last week I was still pregnant. Duncan wanted me to read him a story at bedtime and I couldn't because I was nursing. Right now, Eric is sitting on the couch and Violet is asleep on his chest. All I want to do is lay next to him, but I feel like I can't because it might wake up Violet, and this makes me cry. Almost everything makes me cry, and I do not want to go to bed tonight.
Right now I feel like these feelings will last forever, but I know that not long from now I won't be able to remember them. When Duncan was a newborn and we were sleep deprived, I often wondered how long it would be until I'd sleep through the night again. Well, it was 17 months, but now I miss those middle of the night feedings with Duncan because now he won't be still for anything ... and I also can barely remember getting up in the night with him. I miss it. I know that not long from now I will wake up and my children will be teenagers, so I'm trying to put things in perspective.
So. Happy Easter. Violet looks adorable in her newborn-sized onesie/dress. Pictures forthcoming. Overall, it really was a nice day. Duncan had a fabulous time in the bouncy house that Elizabeth and Charlie brought with them. He didn't nap today at all, but you really wouldn't have been able to tell. He was so good. :o)
Here's to a new week.
An old friend commented in my previous post about how it's nice to read about how someone elses experiences with their newborn were not perfect and that those first few months were anxiety-ridden. So many of us are having babies, and yet most often we only read/hear about how wonderful things are going. Well, for me, things are far from perfect. Today, I cried in pain from breastfeeding. I leaked all over my shirt and then it got on my skirt. I asked Duncan for hugs and he rejected me for the majority of the day. I cried when Eric said he may go back to work tomorrow. I cried in church thinking about how this time last week I was still pregnant. Duncan wanted me to read him a story at bedtime and I couldn't because I was nursing. Right now, Eric is sitting on the couch and Violet is asleep on his chest. All I want to do is lay next to him, but I feel like I can't because it might wake up Violet, and this makes me cry. Almost everything makes me cry, and I do not want to go to bed tonight.
Right now I feel like these feelings will last forever, but I know that not long from now I won't be able to remember them. When Duncan was a newborn and we were sleep deprived, I often wondered how long it would be until I'd sleep through the night again. Well, it was 17 months, but now I miss those middle of the night feedings with Duncan because now he won't be still for anything ... and I also can barely remember getting up in the night with him. I miss it. I know that not long from now I will wake up and my children will be teenagers, so I'm trying to put things in perspective.
So. Happy Easter. Violet looks adorable in her newborn-sized onesie/dress. Pictures forthcoming. Overall, it really was a nice day. Duncan had a fabulous time in the bouncy house that Elizabeth and Charlie brought with them. He didn't nap today at all, but you really wouldn't have been able to tell. He was so good. :o)
Here's to a new week.
5 Observations or Opinions:
I think of you and Eric often (you mostly:)) and I know you are a wonderful mother. Even though you know it will get better eventually, it's okay to vent right now that it really sucks. because it does. alot.
Thanks, Virginia. I think you win for best comment ever. :o)
Yesterday, I went to a breastfeeding support group at Mothers and Company and I honestly felt like the worst mother because Miles was crying and fussy the whole time, despite two diaper changes, a feeding, and me walking around with him. None of the other babies were acting up; in fact, they were seemingly perfect! Honestly, I think he was just having a bad day because he even fussed in the car and that never happens. Anyway, it is okay to vent and believe me, I feel like I'm the first one to do it!
Katherine, i can completely understand your thoughts about how to balance Duncan and Violet. And how 'right now' its hard for him to understand, and he doesnt want to come give you hugs. And you are correct, he wont remember any of this in 5 years. So hold on to this thought... in the not to distant future, things will be a complete breeze. You are a natural at the mothering instincts. And in the future, you will have 1-on-1 time with each of them. Zach and i are going to a ball game just the 2 of us in a few weeks. Chris and I got icecream a few weeks ago when he had an appt. Emily and I enjoyed an afternoon of baking cookies together when both the boys were out at friends houses. You WILL have those special moments with each of your children.
My favorite thing that Grandma tells me, and it is a quote from Aunt Katherine... "And this too shall pass". You are strong, you will get threw this, and this too shall pass. If you need anything, dont hesitate to reach out.
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