August 29

10:15 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
What is up, universe? Someone please help me figure out what is going on with Duncan. Is it just too many new/changing things at once? Is he growing? Is it both? This morning he didn't want to brush his teeth, and then he didn't want to go to school. Is he feeling like he has no control over anything? I know Gertie has something to do with it. I know it's just a phase and things will be better soon ... But I told Eric this morning that I haven't felt this down in a long time. All first world problems, of course, so I'm trying to keep things in perspective, but I know that weaning off these hormones is affecting me as well. I broke down last Wednesday night and told Eric that I'm just so lonely. I have no close friends, and haven't had, since high school. When things happen I call Eric or my mom. I want some close friends - some female friends that are moms that understand what I'm going through. I will admit that this is why I'm on Facebook so much - trying to connect with other people when I'm at home at feeling out of control. Maybe since I feel out of control, Duncan does, too. I know that he "gets" what I am dealing with. I know he is somewhat of an empath, and I have no idea how to help him with it. Maybe I should talk to an adult empath. Hm. We still aren't back into our "rhythm" - hopefully this week helps with that. 

House update: inspection on Thursday morning. Applied for loan. That's all we can do right now. It is very exciting! 

My thoughts are negative. This is not good. 

What am I grateful for today? 

Eric. Always.

The ability to grow life. 

That Autumn is almost here. 

Evenings to relax.

Dog training starting soon.

House stuff progressing.

Meeting with friends to talk and process. I will probably cry ... Ah well. 


August 28

8:59 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Oh, what a week. So many ups and downs. So many emotions. So much frustration. I don't even know where to start.

Monday, Bloodwork and Costco. Gearing up for school on Tuesday. Dropped breakfast stuff off at school so it would be there for Tuesday morning.

Tuesday, up at 6:30. Left the house at 7:30. At school before 8 to set up for the breakfast. Lots of great stuff donated, so I was thankful for that. I cried at the Rose Ceremony (where the 8th graders present roses to the new 1st graders to welcome them to the grades - it's so sweet). Had a nice morning with Violet. We spent some time at my mom's and had lunch with Eric. Duncan said "2nd grade is hard," but he had a good day and was glad to get back with his friends. 
 

Wednesday, Violet's first day ... Duncan woke up saying he didn't feel well. I thought it was just second day nerves, but I was wrong. The school called me later and said that Duncan was in the office not feeling well. Eric picked him up for me and I met them there shortly after. Violet had a great first day, though. She's a kindergarten pro! Duncan was in bed the rest of the day with a fever. Went to sleep with a fever. I put some oils on him in the afternoon.

Thursday, Duncan woke up with no fever. Since he'd had a fever the night before, though, he didn't go to school. Duncan and I spent some time at my mom's and then picked up Violet after a short trip to Target. That afternoon, I found a house on Redfin that I wanted to go see. The kids agreed. Eric was supposed to have an important meeting that afternoon, but it was canceled, so he went with us to look at the house. We all loved it. We spent the rest of the day contemplating making an offer.

Friday, dropped both kids off at school, both feeling well. PHEW. Met with Becky about Parent Pillar stuff. Went to Jessica's house to meet her new sweet baby, Ezra. Had an appointment with Harry at 10:15. Flew over to our realtor's office at 11:30 to make an offer. We gave them until 10pm to respond. Our realtor called at 5:00 and told us WE GOT THE HOUSE. SQUEEEEE!!! We were all excited.

This weekend has been rough. Very rough. Duncan has not been himself. We think it's a combination of things ... Growing, school starting, house, heat. Lots of stuff. He has been refusing to do every day things, like brush his teeth. He is fighting us on everything we ask him to do (or tell him to do). I cried out of frustration tonight at bedtime. Hard. Violet, on the other hand, has practically an angel. She's acting so much different than she was just a few weeks ago. We can only hope that the normal routine of this coming week will remedy things. I am trying so hard to be a compassionate and calm parent, but I failed this weekend. Big time. Oh, and I'm also weaning off hormones, so I know that has something to do with my sensitivity.

So these coming weeks will be filled with excitement and new things. My first midwife appointment is on Tuesday. I'm 10 weeks now. Time feels like it's creeping. We will also hopefully have the home inspection this week, and our house will go up on the market in a few weeks. Fun times! I enjoy moving. I think it's fun. Probably a little nostalgic for me since I loved it so much as a child. I moved every few years. 

For now ... The Office and popcorn. Then sleep. Tomorrow is a new day.

Oh, one of the best parts of the house? Walk score. 

 

August 15

8:37 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
Monday morning. It's raining. I woke up in a grumpy mood today ... I want to blame it on the meds that I'm still taking daily (estradiol and progesterone), but I don't know if that's a good excuse. Why can't I just be nice to my children? I've already fussed at them for not eating while at the table (and therefore the cereal gets soggy and they don't eat it), for not taking the dog out, for being too crazy around the dog, for calling each other names, and for not clearing the table. And it's not even 9am. 

What do I want to do? Stay home. Alone. Do yoga and sleep on the couch. Drink Sprite. Be lazy with Gertie. 

What are we doing today? Bloodwork at 9am. Staying with my mom from 10 until 2 (so there's my laziness part for the win!). Chiro at 3. Eric has a board meeting tonight, so I'll be on my own until late this evening ... Which is fine. Honestly, bedtimes often go better when he's not here. I still miss him, though. 

No plans tomorrow. Wednesday we have a vet appointment for Gertie and that night is Back to School Night, and I get to introduce myself to the new parents. Should be fun. No plans Thursday. Friday is Drop By Day when we take all the kids' stuff to their classrooms and get everything ready. 

I'm slightly ashamed to admit this, but today I'm getting a pair of shoes in the mail that I've drooled over for weeks. Lilac Tieks. Try as I might, the consumer in me is still very strong. Maybe tomorrow I'll donate some clothes. Ha. 

Off to get pricked for the 20th time (or so it seems that way). 

August 14

8:05 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
I was talking with a friend a few weeks ago about this blog - about how it has evolved from a blog about sustainable living to one about how to sustain myself as a mother and as a woman. Such an interesting thing that has happened. I am constantly working on myself, figuring out how to be the best "me" that I can be ... Not necessarily how to be a "better mother" or a "better friend," but I mean finding the me that I am meant to be and embracing her wholeheartedly. Feeling empowered and proud of who I am - not questioning every single thing that I say and do. This work is hard and takes a lot of time, but you have to start somewhere. 

For now, after this "life update," this blog is going to be a sort of gratitude journal. I saw a quote yesterday that said something like: "Gratefulness doesn't come from finding happiness; happiness comes from finding gratefulness." How true. I am working on being happy with what I have ... While at the same time, trying to be content with the fact that I'm still working toward other things. People ask me why I want to move. They say, "The grass is always greener!" While that's true, I won't know until I try, will I? The Highlands have appealed for me for over 8 years now, and I'm not going to let that go. Life is too short to spend it where you don't want to be. I do love our house, but it's too big and I want to be in the Highlands. I will not feel sorry for that. Finding a balance between where I want to be (not just physically) and being grateful with what I have is proving difficult ... 

Today was far from a perfect day - though who ever has a perfect day? Eric and I were not the most patient parents. Whose dumb idea was it to take the kids to the mall? Haha, that would be me. However, bedtimes almost always go well, and we are super thankful for that. 

Gertie will be 15 weeks tomorrow! She is turning into a wonderful dog ... Our real training classes should start the week of September 10, and will last 8 weeks. I need to take some pictures of her! She is all black, though, and she's hard to see. Duncan is wonderful with her. Violet is still scared the dog will "chase her," and wishes that Gertie was "already trained," but all in good time. She is doing very well, considering her experience with the Bassett house puppies last year. She was terrified! 

Today I am 8 weeks and 2 days pregnant with surro baby #2. Not a sibling for Gustave - this is for an amazing couple from NYC, a man and woman. I feel nauseated and fat all the time. Still, I remain grateful that my body is awesome and I can grow life. The baby is due in March. 

Working hard to make Parent Pillar awesome at school. I am so excited for this upcoming school year. Speaking of school, this Wednesday is Back to School Night, Friday is Drop By Day, and Duncan's first day is next Tuesday. Violet starts next Wednesday. 

My mom had her hip replaced last Monday. She is doing well and is, I'm sure, looking forward to things being back to normal. We all hope that her hip pain will be completely gone. 

I am super grateful for this awesome keyboard/case that we bought for the iPad today, which allows me to type "stream of consciousness" much more quickly than without one. 

Other things to be grateful for today ... Eric (which never changes because he is so wonderful, even when I'm being needy and annoying), our beautiful children, rain, and bug repellent. Relief from the heat, even if it is brief, and this blanket, which is just the perfect weight and texture. The Olympics! One of my happy places, even if it results in us watching more tv in two weeks than we honestly watch in a whole year. 

Below are pictures from the summer.
       The last one is a meditation that I've saved as the background on my phone. I read it as often as I can.

December 20

7:26 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
December is always a whirlwind. I don't even know when I last posted. 

Our advent activities have been going well. The kids are having fun. Tonight is our school Rollerskating party. I am excited about it and the kids are, too! 

We have almost all the parts to get the kids' bathroom functional. Hooray! We are missing faucets, lights and the things to finish the walls. Today ... Tile is going down! Very exciting! Hopefully we will have grout in and a functioning toilet by the end of the week, maybe more. 😊

IronTribe is still going great. I love it. Still love being a vegan, too. It's been ten weeks now! 

This Wednesday is our ten year anniversary. Cannot believe it. Not sure what we will do, but the kids are staying at my moms. 

Wish I could think of more to write this morning, but hungry children take priority. 😊


Christmastime

7:16 AM Posted In , , Edit This 0 Comments »
Last weekend we decorated the house. It feels and smells wonderful in here. We have cinnamon ornaments, dried fruit garlands, a real Christmas tree, and I'm baking something almost daily. Today we will be baking gingerbread cookies! I won't be eating any because I'm not making them vegan, but I don't need to eat them anyway. Other advent activities so far have been making bird feeders, making a Christmas tree topper, Christmas madlibs, watching a Christmas movie, and drinking hot chocolate. 

The week went by quickly and fairly easily. We stayed under budget on things, especially food. I started on our homemade Christmas gifts. I spent a lot of time at home, walking to get steps for my Fitbit. Irontribe on Monday, Wednesday, Friday and yesterday. Still feeling great. 

I'm going to spend some time in the next few weeks thinking about my goals for 2016. My 33rd year. Lots of good stuff to think about! 

Productivity

5:46 AM Posted In , , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
Awake this morning at 5:09. Maybe I need to take a nap during the day so I can sleep later. I do enjoy being up so I can get things done, but on the days I want to be a little lazy, waking up this early is no fun. 

On Wednesday, I went to irontribe (hereafter "ITF"), Eric went to work. The kids and I made Christmas ornaments and went to Target for a few things. We made cinnamon applesauce ornaments and put fruit in the oven to dry. After lunch at home, we put Christmas lights up in Violet's room and redid the ones in Duncan's. Dinner was early at Chipotle. 

Thanksgiving morning, Duncan and I went for a long walk as the sun was coming up. 2.5 miles! Back at home, Eric and I prepared stuff while the kids watched the parade. We had a last minute change for thanksgiving location and we all went to Heather's house for our meal. The food itself was good - my first vegan thanksgiving! Eric's first as a vegetarian! 
After the meal, a few of us went for a walk. I had 10,000 steps by 2:00, which was great! We arrived home around 4 and snacked on veggies, fruit and leftovers for dinner while watching "The Muppet Show." Eric and I fell asleep on the couch before 9pm. 

I was awake at 5 again yesterday morning. Rather than lay in bed, I went to the mall. For one, to walk and get some steps, and second, to look at the stuff on sale at lulu. I ended up getting a few things hs and was home with some panera before 8am. After breakfast, we all went on a walk (because Violet felt left out on Thursday) - over 2 miles again. Back at home, we cleaned up and worked on a budget for paying down our  credit card. After lunch, we all went to Costco (which will hopefully be my "once a month trip"). We also bought a Christmas tree! It's iur first real tree and it's beautiful. Once home we put it up and decorated the house, inside and out. We will decorate the tree today since we had to let the branches "relax" first. 

And that's it. Plans for today hopefully include lunch with my parents and getting Eric's childhood bunk bed from his parent's house for Duncan. Probably some more decorating, too! I'll take more pictures today!


 
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