Backwards
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I finished Pushed a few weeks ago, and immediately started Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth. I finished it in 3 days. The first half is birth stories, and they are amazing. Ina May brings up such a good point in her introduction - how often do women hear positive birth stories, instead of the terrifying horror stories about the pain, etc.? Not very often. Reading these stories undoubtedly gives people at least a glimpse into something that could be.
I am hesitant even to call the pain in childbirth actual pain. When I think of pain, I think of shots, a broken bone, a headache, etc. Labor pains, though, have a specific purpose. Each contraction brings a woman closer to meeting her new baby, and that is one thing I feel that is so often forgotten - the focus is so much on the pain of labor. Well, it's called labor for a reason. It's not easy - but it's purposeful.
I've been thinking this morning about me, and how I've changed in the past 2 years. I'm still trying to figure out who I want to be ... and we all know how I can be a little, ahem, over-excited about things sometimes. I was reading about The Farm this morning, though - their website has a lot of fun stuff - and I can't help but wish that I'd delved into these concepts 10 years ago when I was wasting my time with Irish dance. I am not saying that I want to go back and do it all over, because I know that Eric would probably not be my husband right now, but it's still kind of interesting to think about. I can honestly say, though, that if I had started down this path of natural, sustainable, organic living 10 years ago, that I most likely would not have gone to Centre, nor would I be living in Louisville. I'd be somewhere like The Farm, living with a bunch of hippies, and I'd fit right in ... and I'd love it. But I love my life, and I'm happy. And no, I don't want to go live in The Farm. I'd just like to visit sometime.
But back to Pushed and the reason for the title of this post ...
I am hesitant even to call the pain in childbirth actual pain. When I think of pain, I think of shots, a broken bone, a headache, etc. Labor pains, though, have a specific purpose. Each contraction brings a woman closer to meeting her new baby, and that is one thing I feel that is so often forgotten - the focus is so much on the pain of labor. Well, it's called labor for a reason. It's not easy - but it's purposeful.
I've been thinking this morning about me, and how I've changed in the past 2 years. I'm still trying to figure out who I want to be ... and we all know how I can be a little, ahem, over-excited about things sometimes. I was reading about The Farm this morning, though - their website has a lot of fun stuff - and I can't help but wish that I'd delved into these concepts 10 years ago when I was wasting my time with Irish dance. I am not saying that I want to go back and do it all over, because I know that Eric would probably not be my husband right now, but it's still kind of interesting to think about. I can honestly say, though, that if I had started down this path of natural, sustainable, organic living 10 years ago, that I most likely would not have gone to Centre, nor would I be living in Louisville. I'd be somewhere like The Farm, living with a bunch of hippies, and I'd fit right in ... and I'd love it. But I love my life, and I'm happy. And no, I don't want to go live in The Farm. I'd just like to visit sometime.
But back to Pushed and the reason for the title of this post ...
Main Entry: fem·i·nism
Pronunciation: \ˈfe-mə-ˌni-zəm\
Function: noun
Date: 1895
1 : the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes
So, this means that women should have the same choices as everyone else, yes? And be able to say no to certain things, right? A lot of people think that feminism and natural childbirth do not go together - women deserve the right to be able to choose drugs for pain management, and ultimately to be in control of their labor and delivery. This is what gets me, though: When a laboring woman goes into a hospital, she is essentially giving up all control (and yes, this includes me - I walked through the hospital doors, too). There are things that are 'hospital policy' that she cannot refuse (though I've always wondered what would happen if a woman in the hospital just decided to get up and walk around even though her doctor told her not to - what would happen - anyone know?). Maybe I am in the minority, but I see natural childbirth as the epitome of feminism - the choice to give birth wherever, whenever, and with whomever she wants. By the way, did you know that the United States is the only country where surgeons deliver babies? Women in the rest of the world receive prenatal care from midwives, and if a situation arises where surgery is needed, then a surgeon (aka obstetrician) is called in.
One of my favorite parts of this book was the discussion about VBACs and human rights. The author argues (as do others) that the very idea that hospitals and insurance companies can deny a woman a vaginal birth, therefore giving her no option but to have major surgery - forcing her to undergo surgery - is denying those women a basic human right - protection of her own body. It just doesn't make sense. It is no wonder why many women left with no choice in this matter decide to have homebirths.
I learned a lot from this book, and wish that every pregnant woman would read it - not to scare them, but just to educate them about the reasons and the history behind why maternal care in the United States is the way that it is. If I had read this book before I had Duncan, I would have planned a homebirth with him.
And one last small vent ...
So, someone asked a group of women if they intend on breastfeeding their second child. Responses followed ... some yea, some nay. My response: Even if you decide not to breastfeed, consider doing it just in the hospital, because colostrum is like liquid gold. Wow, I got bashed. Like, people accused me of intentionally making a bunch of women feel guilty. That was not my intention. I know women have lots of reasons for not breastfeeding, and I have no right to judge them for that. I simply do not understand the thought that you would not want to try to give your baby the food that is made specifically for them by you. If it doesn't work out, fine ... but why wouldn't you at least try? Am I really out of line here?
In other news, I am displaced at my mom and dad's house this week while Eric (and friends) installs our beautiful hardwood floors. I stopped by to see them this morning, and they are so so so gorgeous. See Eric's Facebook profile for pictures.
And one last small vent ...
So, someone asked a group of women if they intend on breastfeeding their second child. Responses followed ... some yea, some nay. My response: Even if you decide not to breastfeed, consider doing it just in the hospital, because colostrum is like liquid gold. Wow, I got bashed. Like, people accused me of intentionally making a bunch of women feel guilty. That was not my intention. I know women have lots of reasons for not breastfeeding, and I have no right to judge them for that. I simply do not understand the thought that you would not want to try to give your baby the food that is made specifically for them by you. If it doesn't work out, fine ... but why wouldn't you at least try? Am I really out of line here?
In other news, I am displaced at my mom and dad's house this week while Eric (and friends) installs our beautiful hardwood floors. I stopped by to see them this morning, and they are so so so gorgeous. See Eric's Facebook profile for pictures.
5 Observations or Opinions:
Katherine-- I'm with you! I once read something along the lines of "Breastfeeding may not be right for every mom. But it's right for every baby." Even if they only breastfeed in the hospital, anything is better than nothing.
Katherine, I know you are super passionate about breastfeeding. And I was too. That's why I read about 4 books on it when I was pregnant with Sam so that I would have the intellectual encouragement in my own mind to keep trying even when it was hard to get going and be prepared. But after it didn't work out when I tried EVERYTHING that books, lactation consultants, and old wives' tales told me WOULD work, I was forced to realize something: Bottle feeding formula to my baby is okay too.
I live in a community where most women do nurse their babies, at least for a good part of the first year if not past it. I felt extremely judged when I would be at Target and whip out a bottle of water and powder to shake up and feed my baby. I got glares like you wouldn't believe. But these women didn't know my story, my reasons, or the pain I felt. I envy women who are able to breastfeed. I even envy the women who are able to but choose not to because they have a choice when I don't.
Before I went through all of that, I thought like you did, "If you can, why not at least try?" But now, I feel much more liberated about it all. It is a woman's choice...much like birthing the way she wants, where and when she wants, is her (and somewhat her baby's!) choice.
So with my next baby, I don't know if I will try to nurse at all. Since I know it won't work out in the end, I don't know if I want the pain and emotional trauma caused to me by the failure I feel when it doesn't work. I don't know that 1-2 nursing feeds per day will stimulate my body to make any milk without drugs, pumping, and herbs that my doctor suggested I start taking the second I give birth to #2 if I want to nurse at all, and I really don't want to use all those measures with minimal assistance again. For me, I want to remember my next baby's early days because I don't remember the first 2 months of Sam's life while I was going through all of that drama!
So, while I empathize with your perspective, I'm on the other side now. So if you're tying your post into proper use of "feminism," then you need to allow the women to express it not just in birth, but in nursing too! :)
Thank you, Dawn! I really do appreciate your perspective - and that's why I asked if I was out of line. I have a lot to learn about accepting peoples' choices, regardless of why they made them.
Hopefully 30 years down the road when I'm a middle-aged doula and childbirth educator with lots of experience under my belt, I'll look back on how little I know right now and just shake my head. :o/
Katherine, I realize that you are super passionate about natural birthing and breastfeeding. And I was too. That's why I read 4+ books about nursing when I was pregnant with Sam. I wanted the intellectual encouragement about how to make it work in my head whenever it was tough to get going or hard to understand why he was hungry all the time during a growth spurt, etc.
But then, it didn't work out for me, in spite of all the extreme measures I took at the urging of the books, lactation consultants, and doctors. Regardless of pumping, medications, herbs, and fulfilling every old wives' tale I came across, my body wouldn't cooperate. It never will work out for me. That part is not my choice.
I live in a community where most women do nurse their babies a good part of the first year, if not beyond. When I would be at Target with my son and whip out a bottle of water and some powder to shake up for him, I got glares like you wouldn't believe. I felt like one of the struggling, judged teen moms on MTV shows. But those women didn't know my story, and they didn't know the pain their looks caused me. I envy women who can breastfeed their child(ren). I envy women who have a choice to do so, even if they choose not to.
But with my next baby, I can choose to nurse in the early days until my body can't meet their demand, which may not be from Day 1 like it was with Sam...but it may be in week 1 or 2. And that is even only if I use the drugs, pumping, and extreme measures I used when trying to nurse Sam, but start them within hours of delivering Baby #2. I don't want to do that. I want to remember my next baby. I don't remember the first 2+ months of my son's life because I was hooked up to a pump whenever his mouth wasn't attached to me! That's no way to live or mother my baby! So I don't know if I will try at all since I know it will fail, which causes me extreme emotional distress when I can't fulfill my baby's needs. I haven't completely decided yet.
So I can empathize with your wondering "If you can, why not try?" But I'm on the other side now. And if you're going to tie your post into the choice feminists have of birthing how, where and when they want, then you have to allow them the same choice for nursing and all aspects of raising their children. :)
Ok, so I just retyped the same gist of my story, because it told me the first one didn't go through....so if You get another novel from me, you can delete it :)
I wasn't offended by your post at all. Trust me...my cousin is one of those hippie doulas going to school to become a midwife. But she, as a major feminist, has also taught me many things about standing up for my own choices. She reminds me frequently that when she pushes my buttons, just to tell her to "Shut up," and she'll respect me for saying that too. :)
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