Opinions - a letter to myself, from myself
2:33 PM Edit This 3 Comments »
They're everywhere. I can't hide from them, and I can't keep from having my own, too. What makes me more of an expert than the next person? Nothing. I think that parenthood, in and of itself, has more opinions floating around than most other topics in the entire world. Everyone is someone's child, and the majority of people in this world end up being parents at some point or another. Everyone's pregnancy, labor, birth, and child-raising experiences are different, and everyone has different people telling them a million things about what to do, what's right, and what's wrong. So how in the WORLD do we know what's right?
Newsflash: No one does.
This post does not stem from something someone has told me or something I've heard. It stems from myself and my own egotistical notions that I know more than anyone else. I don't.
The Happiness Project, which is the book we're reading in our newly-formed book club, is going to help me figure some things out - one of which is these crazy feelings I have toward other moms, whether I really know them well or not. I am going to find a way to channel my feelings through another source, and find a way to be at peace with myself and with everyone's personal decisions. It's none of my business what they do (unless they ask me, right?), and I acknowledge that this is something I seriously need to work on.
At our group the other night, we were talking about raising children and some of the (bazillion) decisions involved. Ashley said that she knows her mother made some mistakes with her while she was growing up, but her mother made sure that Ashley knew that all of the things she did for her were out of love. I can't believe I'd never thought of it from that perspective before. So, when a mother lets her baby scream for 3 hours so he/she can learn to go to sleep, that's a decision that's (in most cases, hopefully) based on love in an effort to give the child what he/she needs ultimately needs - a good night's sleep. Whether you agree with this example or not, when a mom's decision to do something makes me flinch, this is something that I need to remember - a mother's love rules over everything that she does for her child.
No matter how you/I feel about a particular topic (e.g. attachment parenting is the best; breastfeeding is the best, etc.), everyone does what's best for their family, and no one should be judged for that ... but I KNOW this, yet it's so difficult for me to accept it. I don't know how to do it. Should I pray about it? Write about it? Talk to other people about it, but fear that they will think I'm a terrible person? I considered becoming a doula, but I fear that that would just fuel these feelings even more.
Bottom line: it's none of my business, and I need to figure out a way to get over it - fast.
Newsflash: No one does.
This post does not stem from something someone has told me or something I've heard. It stems from myself and my own egotistical notions that I know more than anyone else. I don't.
The Happiness Project, which is the book we're reading in our newly-formed book club, is going to help me figure some things out - one of which is these crazy feelings I have toward other moms, whether I really know them well or not. I am going to find a way to channel my feelings through another source, and find a way to be at peace with myself and with everyone's personal decisions. It's none of my business what they do (unless they ask me, right?), and I acknowledge that this is something I seriously need to work on.
At our group the other night, we were talking about raising children and some of the (bazillion) decisions involved. Ashley said that she knows her mother made some mistakes with her while she was growing up, but her mother made sure that Ashley knew that all of the things she did for her were out of love. I can't believe I'd never thought of it from that perspective before. So, when a mother lets her baby scream for 3 hours so he/she can learn to go to sleep, that's a decision that's (in most cases, hopefully) based on love in an effort to give the child what he/she needs ultimately needs - a good night's sleep. Whether you agree with this example or not, when a mom's decision to do something makes me flinch, this is something that I need to remember - a mother's love rules over everything that she does for her child.
No matter how you/I feel about a particular topic (e.g. attachment parenting is the best; breastfeeding is the best, etc.), everyone does what's best for their family, and no one should be judged for that ... but I KNOW this, yet it's so difficult for me to accept it. I don't know how to do it. Should I pray about it? Write about it? Talk to other people about it, but fear that they will think I'm a terrible person? I considered becoming a doula, but I fear that that would just fuel these feelings even more.
Bottom line: it's none of my business, and I need to figure out a way to get over it - fast.
3 Observations or Opinions:
Why do you need to get over it? Just because parents do things out of love doesn't make them great parents. We need to change how our society has been raising kids for the last few generations as it is hurting the health and welfare of our nation. If it helps you feel better move your emotions for the individual parents to the physicians, manufactures and everyone else that has made the baby business that is failing our children.
Personally, I need to get over it or I'm afraid I would lose friends because I won't keep my mouth shut.
I am not angry for what you said - I don't see why there was a need to be left anonymous. This is why I opened up the blog and comments to everyone.
I don't feel like it's my right to decide whether someone is a great parent or not. Even if I did, I wouldn't tell them.
I agree with your post (unless the child is being harmed, which I guess is subjective to a point). After having Kellen I have removed so much judgment because I can only know what's right for me and my family. Breastfeeding was not right for us. My son was starving. But I get judged for that decision all the time, and yet when I get judged, no one stops to ask me why I made my decision. I find that we are so busy talking and not busy enough listening... and maybe part of it is that we don't want to listen to others?!
I don't know if Anonymous is talking about formula, but it does seem like it. If so, I am wondering if he/she has done extensive scientific research on the subject.
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