My relationship with breastfeeding
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When we brought Duncan home from the hospital, I was terrified. Not only had we brought this little life into the world, but now we had to care for him (happily, of course!) despite our lack of experience. This is scary for new parents, no doubt, but my fear was multiplied because of breastfeeding. I was excited to breastfeed, and I knew that it was the right decision for us. However, no one mentioned how difficult it would be, and I had absolutely no idea what to expect. If I did receive advice about it, I don't remember hearing it ... perhaps I was oblivious. I don't know. All I know is that after my first day of breastfeeding, I was in pain, and now we had this jaundiced newborn at home and I was expected to feed him and take care of him in every way possible, all while not really having a clue what we were doing and being sleep deprived.
I would like to say that I maintained my composure every time Duncan cried out to nurse (because, let's face it, they only cry for a few reasons when they're that age: hunger or dirty diaper, and sometimes sleep), but I did not. I would cry to Eric while I hovered over Duncan on my nursing pillow, and I would wince in pain (despite the shields that I'd grown attached to); I would cry in frustrating in the middle of the night when he would latch and unlatch over and over; I would cry to Eric about how it was so hard. Let's just say that I cried a lot in the beginning. For some reason, though, giving up on breastfeeding never entered my mind; I knew that it was what I needed to do.
A few weeks after Duncan was born, I got a clogged duct. Now, I'd read and heard about clogged ducts, and I thought I knew what I was doing to try to get it to go away. (Possible TMI) Three weeks later when I had outpatient surgery on my breast to remove the infection in it, I knew I'd been wrong about that. Now I had a 6 week old that I continued to nurse, despite the giant hole ("that must heal from the inside out") on my breast that leaked milk almost constantly. It was NOT fun, and I really don't know how I got through that, either, but somehow I did.
I was able to get rid of the shields when Duncan was about 3 months old, so that was a huge relief. However, in order to get him used to "regular" nursing again, I resorted to pumping each day so that Eric (or myself) could give him a bottle at bedtime - it was MUCH easier to get him to nurse down with a bottle at bedtime. Plus, the bottle allowed mommy some much-needed freedom. The pump became my friend, although I still nursed all day and night except for the one bottle. My mental state improved dramatically after I purchased the pump.
And so, this is how things went along until October or November, when I stopped pumping very much, and Duncan's bedtime schedule normalized. Feedings decreased (not by my choice - he just started eating more solid foods), and mommy and daddy started getting more sleep, for the most part. Breastfeeding became EASY for me, which is something that I never thought would happen.
I don't know how long I will breastfeeding Duncan, and honestly, I'm not even thinking about that. We both still enjoy it, and I have no intention of stopping any time soon. Right now he nurses before naps and at bedtime, and usually 3 times throughout the night. I know he doesn't need these night feedings nutritionally, but I sincerely enjoy nursing him in the middle of the night. It's the only time that he's calm and still, and I cherish these times. He's not going to be little for very long, and I will gladly get up several times a night for a few years if it means that I can spend more time with him.
I can't say that I started enjoying breastfeeding until just a few months ago. It was a struggle, but one that was totally worth everything I went through in the beginning. If I could go back and do it again, I would take multiple classes about breastfeeding and read lots of books. It was difficult to focus on what to expect once Duncan was home with us because we were so focused on the natural labor and delivery. I'm so happy that we had Duncan naturally and that our hard work paid off, but I wish I'd spent a little more time studying up on breastfeeding. Maybe things still would have been just as difficult, but I'd like to think that they may have been easier. Either way, I couldn't be happier with the way that things are now, and I wouldn't change a thing.
I would like to say that I maintained my composure every time Duncan cried out to nurse (because, let's face it, they only cry for a few reasons when they're that age: hunger or dirty diaper, and sometimes sleep), but I did not. I would cry to Eric while I hovered over Duncan on my nursing pillow, and I would wince in pain (despite the shields that I'd grown attached to); I would cry in frustrating in the middle of the night when he would latch and unlatch over and over; I would cry to Eric about how it was so hard. Let's just say that I cried a lot in the beginning. For some reason, though, giving up on breastfeeding never entered my mind; I knew that it was what I needed to do.
A few weeks after Duncan was born, I got a clogged duct. Now, I'd read and heard about clogged ducts, and I thought I knew what I was doing to try to get it to go away. (Possible TMI) Three weeks later when I had outpatient surgery on my breast to remove the infection in it, I knew I'd been wrong about that. Now I had a 6 week old that I continued to nurse, despite the giant hole ("that must heal from the inside out") on my breast that leaked milk almost constantly. It was NOT fun, and I really don't know how I got through that, either, but somehow I did.
I was able to get rid of the shields when Duncan was about 3 months old, so that was a huge relief. However, in order to get him used to "regular" nursing again, I resorted to pumping each day so that Eric (or myself) could give him a bottle at bedtime - it was MUCH easier to get him to nurse down with a bottle at bedtime. Plus, the bottle allowed mommy some much-needed freedom. The pump became my friend, although I still nursed all day and night except for the one bottle. My mental state improved dramatically after I purchased the pump.
And so, this is how things went along until October or November, when I stopped pumping very much, and Duncan's bedtime schedule normalized. Feedings decreased (not by my choice - he just started eating more solid foods), and mommy and daddy started getting more sleep, for the most part. Breastfeeding became EASY for me, which is something that I never thought would happen.
I don't know how long I will breastfeeding Duncan, and honestly, I'm not even thinking about that. We both still enjoy it, and I have no intention of stopping any time soon. Right now he nurses before naps and at bedtime, and usually 3 times throughout the night. I know he doesn't need these night feedings nutritionally, but I sincerely enjoy nursing him in the middle of the night. It's the only time that he's calm and still, and I cherish these times. He's not going to be little for very long, and I will gladly get up several times a night for a few years if it means that I can spend more time with him.
I can't say that I started enjoying breastfeeding until just a few months ago. It was a struggle, but one that was totally worth everything I went through in the beginning. If I could go back and do it again, I would take multiple classes about breastfeeding and read lots of books. It was difficult to focus on what to expect once Duncan was home with us because we were so focused on the natural labor and delivery. I'm so happy that we had Duncan naturally and that our hard work paid off, but I wish I'd spent a little more time studying up on breastfeeding. Maybe things still would have been just as difficult, but I'd like to think that they may have been easier. Either way, I couldn't be happier with the way that things are now, and I wouldn't change a thing.
1 Observations or Opinions:
I had a very similar experience with Noah. There was much frustration and many tears for the first several weeks as we tried to figure out what we were doing! Praise God for breast Shields! I think after about 6 weeks and with breast shields, finally nursing was not painful anymore. I don't rememebr when I stopped using shields, but it was an exciting day! I am so thankful that I have stuck with breastfeeding and for the people that encouraged me to do so. There is nothing so wonderful as the contented sounds of a nursing baby. I am excited to be following you on your blog!
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