Sustainable Mommy

Although each day gets a little easier and a little better, the only way to really describe the past week is what Jeanine told me in July right after Liam was born ... I didn't think it would be this hard. Of course I am totally in love with my son - he is a miracle - but there really is nothing to prepare a woman for her first baby. Yes, childbirth classes helped us achieve a natural birth; but when we arrived home, I felt unprepared, overwhelmed, sad, anxious, excited, tired, nervous, and a million other things. I have cried every day, and I think I finally figured out that it's because I feel really guilty for not feeling the way that I THINK I should feel. I hate that I don't love breastfeeding right now; it's just painful (although we have been visiting the Nursing Station and we have a great lactation consultant). Although Eric is being amazing and taking care of me and the house, I miss him constantly - even when he is in the chair across the room. Thinking about him going back to work makes me want to bawl. I feel closer to him, but at the same time I feel like I can't get close enough to him.

I know that things will get easier and better - and I'll try to have a happier post tomorrow. I AM extremely excited to be a mother; I just didn't think it would be this hard.

Nap time.

Happy Valentine's Day!