So many thoughts ...
7:52 AM Edit This 3 Comments »
I have a vivid memory from a few years ago - I'm not sure if it was before or after we were married - but we were driving on Barbour Lane when it was still all farmland and before Homearama, and I remember saying to Eric: "You know how things always go so well for us? I'm afraid that one day something terrible will happen and it will be like a smack in the face. I think I remember my mom saying that - everything was going so well for her and then she got cancer."
I guess this is it. Things have always been perfect ... we are perfect for each other, we have great parents and friends, a great house, good jobs (well, that's only true for Eric) ... was it bound to happen some day?
I wanted this so badly. I've wanted it for so long.
Why me? Why NOW? I know 5 other people that are pregnant right now and it didn't happen to them. Why me?
Is it because of my past? Is there something wrong with my body? What if it happens again?
I'm scared and I'm angry and I'm sad and I'm confused.
I feel silly. I bought maternity pants and I don't need them. I bought books and picked out names and looked at cribs and strollers. I felt like my belly was growing. I guess it really was just fat.
I don't care if Dr. Graves says there isn't always an explanation. There HAS to be. I want to know. I NEED to know. Was it me? Was it Eric? What happened?
All of these people I know are going to be having babies this summer and I'll be happy for them ... but I'll be hurting, too, knowing that I should have had one, too.
Life really is unfair sometimes, I guess.
I guess this is it. Things have always been perfect ... we are perfect for each other, we have great parents and friends, a great house, good jobs (well, that's only true for Eric) ... was it bound to happen some day?
I wanted this so badly. I've wanted it for so long.
Why me? Why NOW? I know 5 other people that are pregnant right now and it didn't happen to them. Why me?
Is it because of my past? Is there something wrong with my body? What if it happens again?
I'm scared and I'm angry and I'm sad and I'm confused.
I feel silly. I bought maternity pants and I don't need them. I bought books and picked out names and looked at cribs and strollers. I felt like my belly was growing. I guess it really was just fat.
I don't care if Dr. Graves says there isn't always an explanation. There HAS to be. I want to know. I NEED to know. Was it me? Was it Eric? What happened?
All of these people I know are going to be having babies this summer and I'll be happy for them ... but I'll be hurting, too, knowing that I should have had one, too.
Life really is unfair sometimes, I guess.
3 Observations or Opinions:
Katherine, I think the things you did were normal for any expecting mother (i.e. buying clothes, books, and choosing names). I'm sure you have heard this, but there could have been something really wrong with the baby at birth. I know you will have a wonderful baby and a healthy pregnancy soon.
Unfortunately, sometimes life deals us a very terrible card. My mom has just been a victim herself, as well as everyone who was close to Walt.
Anyway, I know you are feeling sad and we are all there with you. I know that you are not one to give up on your dreams, and this hindrance won't deter you. God loves you and will help you when you try again.
I'm am so sorry for you guys.
Oh no. I'm so sorry to hear that.
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