Sustainable Mommy

In September, Eric and I traveled to Utah for convention and to Montana (through Idaho and Wyoming) for our high school friend's wedding. After one day of convention, I felt annoyed. I felt like I wanted to be with my friends. I felt tired - not physically, but emotionally. The second morning of convention, I pushed those feelings aside as we started driving north. We met our friends in West Yellowstone and traveled through the park together. I felt myself relaxing - a feeling I don't think I'd truly felt in years. I felt "away" and obligation-less. 

The two days we spent with our friends in Montana were truly eye-opening. Hearing about everyone's lives and reconnecting was needed in ways I didn't realize. 

We arrived back home on Monday, September 14. I felt almost numb. Smothered. Anxious and scared. Not ready to re-enter "real life." On Tuesday night, I broke down. We were in bed and I started crying and releasing all the feelings I'd had over the past week. I was tired. I was not happy. I needed a change. 

On Wednesday morning, I woke up feeling like a new person. I've never experienced anything like it. I started contacting people, letting them know that I planned to step back from those current commitments. I canceled plans in lieu of mental health. I took the sticker off my car. It felt SO good. 

Let me be clear, though - this had absolutely nothing to do with the company. It was completely about the pressure I had put on myself to succeed, to keep myself busy and to make money. The company is amazing and I plan to use oils for the rest of my life ... But I realized that what I WANT, what I truly WANT is a simple life. A peaceful life. A life spent with family and friends, finding happiness and giving to others of *myself* and not of a product. 

So that was September.

I joined a gym called Iron Tribe late in the month and started exercising three days a week with a small group of people and wonderful trainers. That part of my life is coming together. Finally. 

Those that know me well know that I've struggled for years to find a sustainable way to eat and exercise. I've done weight watchers, paleo, whole30, and I've also not given a shit about what I've eaten (mostly during pregnancy). In October, when Eric was out of town, I watched some documentaries and I did some research ... And I've gone completely vegan. It's been seamless. Easy. SUSTAINABLE. 

So I'm loving how I'm eating and exercising now. I'm loving spending time with my family and the evenings are blissfully lazy. I am cooking new things and enjoying taking care of my home. I'm taking a folk singing class one night a week and considering learning the acoustic guitar. I'm volunteering at school quite a bit and loving that. I've deactivated my Facebook. Maybe temporarily, maybe not. 

The very last piece of this puzzle was put in place yesterday. Since June, we've been planning on doing a sibling journey for my awesome French daddies and their sweet son. After some delays with the (same) donor, the guys have decided to stop the journey. Most likely permanently. Last night I was unsure how I felt about it. Relief. Disappointment. Happiness. A slew of things. This morning, contentment is the name of the game. 

So. As I told Eric yesterday, the world is our oyster. Maybe we will move out west. Maybe we won't. Maybe we will travel. Maybe we will buy some land. Who knows what the future holds? If these past few months have taught me anything, it's that life is full of surprises. You may think you're happy and content, but things happen. Your perspective changes. 

The blog name was originally about living eco-consciously and green, and while that's part of the picture, it's now much more about how to sustain *myself* ... And while it may sound cheesy, if I'm not happy, then no one in our home is happy. Sustainable mommy just got real, and I couldn't be happier.