Sustainable Mommy

I remember a conversation I had with my mom several years back. She said something like, "No matter how old you are, in your head you never feel older." Of course I didn't really understand what she meant, even though I thought I knew everything I needed to know when I was 18. Though I'm sure there's more to learn, I  now have a sense of what she was trying to convey.  It's kind of like that feeling that you get - and I know you've all felt it at some point in the past few years - when you learn something about a friend from high school, like they're getting married or they're pregnant or they bought a house. "Wait, what? We're old enough to do that? No way." When did we get old enough to do these things?

When I was 18, 26-year-olds seemed old, and now, here I am. I'm married and have my dream job raising our 13-month-old son; we have a mortgage and lots of responsibilities ... sometimes I still don't believe it. Am I really living this life, and why am I so lucky?

I have to admit that I've been really proud of myself this week. I was terrified when Eric told me he was going to be gone for 9 days, but I have been just fine. I miss him, of course, but I've been keeping up with laundry and other chores; we've been doing things every day, and nighttimes (the part that makes me the most nervous) have been going well. Confidence is something that I definitely lacked as a new mom (although I have to ask: is there such a thing as a new mom with complete confidence in herself? Maybe there is, but I was not one of them) - I never wanted to stay home and/or be by myself because Duncan didn't nap in his crib until he was 4 months old, and he would scream a lot and I was in pain and just frustrated in general. My patience has grown enormously, and I can't deny that I'm proud of myself for that. I really feel like I've come so far.

In other news ... our choir concert on Sunday went so well, and Duncan did just fine with his Aunt Heather while I was gone. Yesterday, I finally purchased our Zoo/Science Museum dual pass, and for some strange reason I feel liberated and excited about it. Now I have somewhere to go besides the mall (which makes Eric happy, hehe). I met two friends from playgroup there. We had a great time, and the weather was beautiful. We're going to make Mondays our "day" to go to the zoo or the museum. Anyone is welcome to join us, of course!

Today I had lunch with Diana at Shiraz (highly recommend - it's fantastic), and I bought a few things at Amazing Green Planet thanks to the great deal at Groupon yesterday. My favorite purchase was these Skoy cloths - I used them tonight to wash dishes and clean up the kitchen, and they work great. I baked some cookies while Duncan refused to nap, and then I vacuumed the house with him on my back. That was my exercise for the day!

Tomorrow: Weight Watchers, hopefully the grocery, and possibly a stop at Mama's Hip.