To everything, there is a season ...
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The past week or so has had so many ups and downs. I've avoided this post because I don't want to ramble and get emotional, but I think that it is inevitable.
My grandma's funeral was beautiful, and I know that she loved it. My dad's connections allowed us to have a string quartet, a harpist, and a singer. He was a bass and had the most beautiful tone. I didn't cry too much until the very end ... but it really was a beautiful ceremony. We had everyone over to mom's house after the burial at Cave Hill and we all enjoyed each other's company. We had an abundance of food, and for me, it's what I used to feed my feelings. I still don't think I've fully realized that she is gone. It will happen one day when I'm in public, no doubt. Or at work. After people left and we had cleaned up the food, my mom, Seth, and myself drove back to the funeral home to pick up the flowers. We decided that instead of taking them home, we'd take them to the Forum. The ladies there appreciated them so much, and they all reminded me of grandma. I love old people. :o)
I had the opportunity to write something and read it at the funeral, but I didn't seize that opportunity. Although I tried, I don't think I can grasp what has really happened through words that I write. My grandma, her house, and this city encompass so much more than just words. It is who I am, it is where I come from, and it is where I want to stay for the rest of my life. I suppose that the reason I am so upset over the whole thing is because I feel like it's the end of an era. My whole life, since I was 2 years old, everyone converged on grandma's house at Christmas and in the summers ... the whole family was always there. And now, the house isn't really her house any more, and she's not here to live in it. So what is the reason for anyone to come to Louisville anymore? There isn't one. That is perhaps one of the saddest things of all. Equally as sad is the fact that my grandma was just that - my grandma. I don't have any grandparents left now and it feels strange. I guess that everyone goes through it at some point. Louisville, my city, feels like it's changed now. That house was my childhood, and my grandparents were key players ... along with my parents and my brother, of course. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I feel like my childhood is officially over and that I don't have much left to remember about it. Physically, it's all gone.
My grandma's passing was a mixed blessing, as those things usually are. She's not in pain anymore, and I know that she is with my granddad again, and her parents, too. I feel like my family (mom, dad, brother) are closer now as a result of last week. We spent a lot of time together and it felt so wonderful ... although it was under not so happy circumstances. We all got to see a lot of people that we hadn't seen a while, and we all shared some tears and good memories of grandma and what a wonderful and giving person she was. My grandma is part of the reason that I want to raise a family and be there for all of it. Although no family is perfect, and no person is perfect, she inspired me, and will continue to do that. I know she's looking down on me and pushing me on to be what I want to be. I'll make her proud someday. :o)
Okay, enough of that!
As a result of all the family and funeral stuff, I've gained probably 10 pounds in the past month. In an effort to become more healthy and to lose some weight (because it will probably be the last opportunity for me to lose weight until after I have a baby), I have decided to become a vegetarian for a while and see what happens. Call me crazy if you want to. I don't care.
Also as a result of everything from the past month, my mom and I are going to Williamsburg for a week. We are leaving October 30th and will be back on the 4th or 5th of November. I can't wait. We are going to have FUN. :o) Oh, and Eric will be in Mexico at that point, so he won't be at home all alone.
I've been looking at jobs all day and have applied to some pretty good ones. We'll see.
Voces Novae tonight, then tomorrow begins a new week. A new perspective. A new chance to change my opinions on things. I'll try to be positive, but it's so hard when all I want to go is run away and never go back. I just want a job that makes me want to get up in the morning.
My grandma's funeral was beautiful, and I know that she loved it. My dad's connections allowed us to have a string quartet, a harpist, and a singer. He was a bass and had the most beautiful tone. I didn't cry too much until the very end ... but it really was a beautiful ceremony. We had everyone over to mom's house after the burial at Cave Hill and we all enjoyed each other's company. We had an abundance of food, and for me, it's what I used to feed my feelings. I still don't think I've fully realized that she is gone. It will happen one day when I'm in public, no doubt. Or at work. After people left and we had cleaned up the food, my mom, Seth, and myself drove back to the funeral home to pick up the flowers. We decided that instead of taking them home, we'd take them to the Forum. The ladies there appreciated them so much, and they all reminded me of grandma. I love old people. :o)
I had the opportunity to write something and read it at the funeral, but I didn't seize that opportunity. Although I tried, I don't think I can grasp what has really happened through words that I write. My grandma, her house, and this city encompass so much more than just words. It is who I am, it is where I come from, and it is where I want to stay for the rest of my life. I suppose that the reason I am so upset over the whole thing is because I feel like it's the end of an era. My whole life, since I was 2 years old, everyone converged on grandma's house at Christmas and in the summers ... the whole family was always there. And now, the house isn't really her house any more, and she's not here to live in it. So what is the reason for anyone to come to Louisville anymore? There isn't one. That is perhaps one of the saddest things of all. Equally as sad is the fact that my grandma was just that - my grandma. I don't have any grandparents left now and it feels strange. I guess that everyone goes through it at some point. Louisville, my city, feels like it's changed now. That house was my childhood, and my grandparents were key players ... along with my parents and my brother, of course. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I feel like my childhood is officially over and that I don't have much left to remember about it. Physically, it's all gone.
My grandma's passing was a mixed blessing, as those things usually are. She's not in pain anymore, and I know that she is with my granddad again, and her parents, too. I feel like my family (mom, dad, brother) are closer now as a result of last week. We spent a lot of time together and it felt so wonderful ... although it was under not so happy circumstances. We all got to see a lot of people that we hadn't seen a while, and we all shared some tears and good memories of grandma and what a wonderful and giving person she was. My grandma is part of the reason that I want to raise a family and be there for all of it. Although no family is perfect, and no person is perfect, she inspired me, and will continue to do that. I know she's looking down on me and pushing me on to be what I want to be. I'll make her proud someday. :o)
Okay, enough of that!
As a result of all the family and funeral stuff, I've gained probably 10 pounds in the past month. In an effort to become more healthy and to lose some weight (because it will probably be the last opportunity for me to lose weight until after I have a baby), I have decided to become a vegetarian for a while and see what happens. Call me crazy if you want to. I don't care.
Also as a result of everything from the past month, my mom and I are going to Williamsburg for a week. We are leaving October 30th and will be back on the 4th or 5th of November. I can't wait. We are going to have FUN. :o) Oh, and Eric will be in Mexico at that point, so he won't be at home all alone.
I've been looking at jobs all day and have applied to some pretty good ones. We'll see.
Voces Novae tonight, then tomorrow begins a new week. A new perspective. A new chance to change my opinions on things. I'll try to be positive, but it's so hard when all I want to go is run away and never go back. I just want a job that makes me want to get up in the morning.
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